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Posted on 2011.02.06 at 20:24
I'm beginning to think I'm a bit un-date-able.


Groundhog's Day

Posted on 2011.02.01 at 20:55
It's been one year since you looked at me.


To Be Free

Posted on 2011.01.23 at 21:52
Waiting for you in Rockland.
On a bench, frozen
with cold, numb, clawing on the insides
On walls in my mind'a cell,
of silence.
Intakes of breath, deep and down,
strangling to let you know,
to tell you what I know.
So you know
know that you're strange, symbolically inaccurate
raging inside with emotions numbed
from frostbitten wind.
I apologize.
I would never want you to be normal.
The lives that you lead,
we lead,
never crossed,
perpendicular, never together but always apart.
Like a best friend I never knew.

Your trips and lives, and lies, and disappointments, and let-downs, and lift-ups, and moments when you tried so hard to breath, to be what they wanted you to be but never believed.
I believed.
I promised you on one sleeping night,
one bitterly cold night, as we slept under comfort,
dawn's rays sneaking in like cold toes,
your lifeless form beside me,
I caressed your cheek and promised,
promised that I would never be her,
promised to never be,
to wish and hope and pray and sigh and want, want so desperately
to be free.
to be free.
to be free.
to be free.

Posted on 2011.01.22 at 20:16
I wish I could have you.


These Nights

Posted on 2010.12.20 at 22:32
I don't want a sweetheart, I want a machine.

I miss you.

And I wonder why you don't miss me?


Drag you to the Devil

Posted on 2010.12.18 at 21:58
I want to grab you by the hair, and hang you from the heavens.

Maybe you are actually, legitimately fucked up. And maybe it's a good thing that we ended.

It still doesn't help me not feel like shit.

And I'll probably still call you when I start shopping for a bike.


A sink of blood and crushed veneer

Posted on 2010.12.17 at 19:26
I spoke too soon.

He ended it last night with the words "I'm a robot" and "I'm no longer interested".

It was 5 weeks.

I really liked him.

Someday my pain will mark you.

I think I'm still shell shocked. It hasn't sunk in.

Posted on 2010.12.14 at 21:58
I used to be pretty good at this. Writing, I mean. I don't do this much anymore. but it's kinda nice. Kinda nice to return to this spot. Like it's a home. It knows everything I've said, everything I've felt, streams of consciousness, poems and rants, boys and heartbreak, the good, the bad. A record of living. of life itself. It is my life in a way. It is me. A record of me. No one will ever see any of this though. Or will never see most of it. I've had some dark phases. I can see that now. See it now because it's all laid out in front of me. A novel.

My autobiography.

Everything is ok right now. I have a boy that is smart, and much cuter than I ever thought I would have. He's incredibly kind and sweet. I really hope he sticks around. I can't say much about it though. I'm pretty sure I thought the same about that first guy too...before he ended things so abruptly. Now, as I had learnt, I'm just going to enjoy him wile I have him.

School is just stressful. Sometimes, I don't know if I want to go back. Sometimes, I just want to more to europe and become a baker. A baker would be an easy life. A fulfilling life. Particularly if it's in france....or italy....

I have 3 more weeks to complete my resolution. It's finally in my grasp. Finally a possibility. And trust me, you'll be the first one to know. You always are.


Because you're me.


Words of Merit

Posted on 2010.12.14 at 21:25
You must only play loudly,
to drown out the sound
of beating hearts
and kissing gates
lost when they are not found.
It is self doubt, only
a figment of time.
It'll consume me once
you say, you're mine.



Posted on 2010.10.03 at 20:02
It's been two months since I last saw you. And six months since we've been together. I still have dreams about you though.

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